Inspired by Travis’s review on The Movie Encyclopedia I shall write what I think happened, that fateful day, when Zack Snyder approached the studio with Sucker Punch…
Studio: C’mon Zack, I wouldn’t say ‘classic’. I say, perfectly timed to coincide with the obsession with Graphic-Novels that dominated cinema. Sin City et al. Combine that with the sword-and-sandal blockbusters Troy and Alexander and then consider the recent development in animation. I mean, 300 wasn’t a classic. And Watchmen, well… it was hardly the best it could’ve been. You could’ve improved on that. Fact is Zack, you’re popular – people like your work so you gotta make something else. Any ideas?ZS: No idea.
S: Okay. 300 and Watchmen made money. Lots of money – why?
ZS: The fighting?
S: Thats one thing. Fighting. We’ll keep that.
ZS: A profound story?
S: Yeah, Watchmen was profound… but, if anything, that was your problem. Too much to cover on such a small palette. It did look stylised …
ZS: Okay. Colour. Stylised. Got it.
S: 300 is exceptionally popular in the gay market – big, strong, topless men fighting… maybe target the film specifically to the gay market? “Zack Snyder directs Romans in Relationships”…
ZS: I’m not directing that! My fan base is teenage boys – who like girls –
S: Girls. Ye-e-e-s. Girls… I have it “Zack Snyder directs Roman Girls in Relationships…
ZS: That would be pretty boring – in Rome women really didn’t have so much power.
S: Then scrap Rome. Replace Ancient Rome with something else… y’know that Chris Nolan created a good film about dreams…
ZS: Hmmm
S: I got it! Girls in Dreams and fighting… lots. Make it stylised Zack.
ZS: Can I make it profound?
S: You know you can’t do that.
ZS: But I will try hard not to make it convuluted and, as I’m writing it –
S: Woah, woah, woah Zach – Have you even written anything before?
ZS: Of course I have!
S: I have not records that indic-
ZS: 300.
S: [Pause] That was Frank Miller’s story.
ZS: Tales of the Black Fre-
S: You can’t just claim that you wrote the story when all you did was adapt the script. A ‘short’ script in one case and a feature-script that, lets be honest, was not the reason people watched the film in the first place. 300 was marketed as ‘From the creator of Sin City‘ not ‘written by the director. C’mon Zack.
ZS: But I learnt from them. Please please please.
S: How can we guarantee you won’t get, y’know, mixed-up and unclear?
ZS: I’ll make the girl wear less clothes. So its just girls, fighting, in dreams in very little clothing.
S: Hot girls?
S: No.
ZS: Back-Slam?
simoncolumb.com 
I wish I was this witty…..
I wish this was not the only comment. 🙂
As much as I wish this isn't how things work in Hollywood, I have to admit that this is probably what happened.
It seems like no one has a good thing to say about Sucker Punch, I liked the way you expressed your opinion though, very witty!
Ha…ha…ha.
That said, this reminds me a lot of that College Humor bit with Tim Burton making a movie.
I will admit this was very witty.
I haven't even seen Sucker Punch yet but I could totally see this meeting happening 18 months ago. Would love a recap of the emergency meeting after opening weekend when they try to find a way to replace him on Superman…
Well, I haven't even seen the film and the more I hear, the more angry I get. It was obvious as soon as the trailer was released.
a 'visionary' director on a par with Kubrick???
Well, if that replacement happens then indeed I will write what I think went down. Then again… maybe a Darren Aronofsky meeting with the studios regarding THE WOLVERINE might be a good follow-up…
This was nothing short of brilliant. And ye haven't even seen SUCKER PUNCH, and you nailed it.
I agree with Hatter – I wish I was witty.
I thought Aronofsky quit? I didn't know he got sacked…
he said he quit…
Hilarious 😀 I was helping a friend review this one last Thursday and I was also thinking wtf was going through his head while making it. He came off to me like an amateur making a film like other films but not really knowing what to do.
Thanks Mark! I think he is way overrated but he landed quite the gig but simply couldn't pull it off!